08 2 / 2014

A message to one of our friends from a male OKC user…

—“What’s up? I went back and forth before emailing but then thought, what the hell. I don’t want to freak you out but straight up, are you bi at all? For a dude, you’re pretty hot for real.”

*No. But at least he tried?

03 12 / 2013

— I want to take that picture of you with a purple dress and get it tattooed on the back of my eyelids.

*This would definitely make some sort of TLC documentary…

03 12 / 2013

— A pity you couldn’t come to Thanksgiving dinner. My mother was so disappointed not to have met you. I promised her you’d come for Christmas dinner to make up for it. Deal?

03 12 / 2013

*Sometimes you may want to specify singular or plural if you’re trying to capture one lady’s attention…

—So sexy women !! The register to this app was worth just to see u :) You are superbly hot. Want to meet for coffee or drink??

03 12 / 2013

— Hi there. I’m looking for new friends, or a possible relationship, just keeping things open at the moment. Let me know if your out at a club and maybe we can meet up and chat for a bit. I’ll probably have juice at the bar, lol, i drink every now and then but usually only fine wine or mixed drinks. We could also just meet at a juice bar during the day if you don’t want to meet at night. However, I used to go out quite often as I’m a professional DJ, but I tend to keep it low key these days at the fine dining establishments. :D

03 12 / 2013

— Enough of this. This city. These gray people, their striving, their bad neckties, sad spaniel eyes irradiated by screens upon screens. I will make a new life in my ancient homeland. I ride tonight, clad in naught but a fur loincloth, lofting my ice spear astride my rampant fire-breathing war triceratops.

Join me.

03 12 / 2013

— Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers. Hi. I’m _____. That’s my favorite joke. Gorillas make me laugh. So do Kakapos. What animals make you laugh? Who serves the best dinner in the Bay?

*….really?

03 12 / 2013

— It is 03:20:05, you’re making pancakes and tacos in your favorite space jam themed apron, you hear a loud crash in your backyard. After donning your tweed peacoat and lighting your tobacco pipe, you immediately go out to investigate the matter on hand. Once outside you discover an alien spacecraft shaped like that sweet three wheeler you rode around on as a kid has landed on your inflatable giraffe pool. Elvis emerges and tells you that he has come back from the future to find you. He says that in the future dandylions have wiped out 98% of the worlds population, and only you can prevent forest fires, and also save the world. Its at this precise moment that you gain a sense of supreme clarity. Time slows. A dragonfly beats its wings. One. Two. Time stops. You have a complete comprehension of the universes most crucial issues. It is at this time that you realize… You don’t have any syrup for your pancakes. What do you do next?

*Was that supposed to be a way of asking me to pancake brunch?…

12 11 / 2013

— Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart. I’m sure you can help me out and direct me there for a safe trip. 

12 11 / 2013

— Idk how to say this respectfully but I do believe we should sleep together sometime soon.